Things that are worth while are usually HARD! – Aaron
A friend said this to me lately and the truth of it hit me in many ways.
Going through college and graduating in my field was hard, even though I loved it. Going through Yoga Teacher Training (twice) was hard, and definitely worth it.
Raising a kid as a single mom… HARD &… BRUTIFUL, as would say Glennon Doyle Melton. Yes, brutal and beautiful.
Not that motherhood is ever easy. But motherhood as a single parent is demanding on so many levels : emotionally, physically, financially, time wise and organizationally. It’s Hard because you’re doing everything alone. There’s no one there to split tasks with or to have a turn at dealing with the crisis or tantrum going on. All decisions fall on you. All the costs of raising this child are yours (emotional, financial, career wise…).
And there’s nobody by your side to share the joys with you either. How many times did I want to turn to her dad to share her latest achievement, only to remember he wasn’t there.
And in this space… There’s an opportunity!
Yes an opportunity… (I told you it was also beautiful, didn’t I?).
An opportunity to ask for help, to share the joy and the burden with others.
To let other people in.
To surround yourself with a community, so your child can be raised by a village.
My village is made of different parts : her dad, my family and friends, her friends and their parents, our neighbors, her educators, etc.
What I came to learn is that these people were there from the start.
I didn’t know at first, because I thought I was alone. I thought I could do it on my own and that I needed to show them how strong and brave I was.
But boy did I get tired… And then depressed and lonely!
Until I slowly started asking for help here and there. And you know what happened? People showed up and were happy to help. I remember one of my friends telling me when I asked him to babysit my daughter : “It’s about time! I’ve been looking forward to helping you and having time with her”. I was crestfallen.
In this process I’ve learned that it’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to be imperfect. It’s okay to ask for help and not be able to do it all on my own.
It’s okay even when it’s hard.